For the past 2 weeks i have been dealing with a bad lung problem. lets leave it at that. i am beggining to let it control me though and this is not good.

I really don't have much to say, i mean i do but nobody reads it anyway so whats the point.

If i can never dive again in my life i will learn to sail.

times

''I hear you say my love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between, the times you doubt me when you can't feel, the times you question "is this for real?", the times you're broken, the times that you mend, the times you hate me, and the times that you bend.

My love is over, it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between, the times you're healing when your heart breaks, the times you feel like you've fallen from grace, the times that you're hurting, and the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal,in times of confusion, chaos, and pain,

I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame, I'm there through the heartache; I'm there in the storm,

My love I will keep by My power alone.

I don't care where you've fallen, where you have been. I'll never fore sake you, my love never ends. It never ends."

God tells us this daily as we screw up, when we are scared to show emotions to some that we love when we freely give it to those we serve, but if we can not serve at home we should not serve elsewhere. I am sorry for how I have acted because when I first came back from serving where I feel lead to serve I did not act as a brat, but I have been compromising my daily devotional standards and not being solely focused on the Lord and Him only the first thing of the day and my actions have shown that. I am getting back to Him as we all do. I seem to do this a lot, but it just shows God's loving heart for not letting me fall to far.

He rebuilds in wondrous ways.

(compliments to the song Times by Tenth Avenue North)

lifejacket

So if you have read my blog you know I am no longer a soccer player and suffering some medical mystery. It is getting worse and I have a good analogy for life.

I teach swim lessons on the side, and i have these 2 precious children that I teach. Well we missed 2 sessions so we started make up classes today and the first thing one of my babies asked was, "May I have my life jacket?'' I replied no you will be ok because I will not let you go. It was a little bit of a test but we got into the pool and class was fantastic, but still after swim lesson and swimming for fun, my little one asked,"May I use my life jacket?''

Now after going through what I am dealing with, I feel myself asking,"May I use my life jacket?" to God. I know He has everything under control, but I am looking for my steadfast security because I don't see or feel it. Because I don't see answers I am longing and reaching out for my "life jacket" security and only God has that. My little swimmer knew that they weren't the best swimmer and that that jacket would save them, keep them afloat, and keep them secure.

God is every Christians life jacket security, suit of armor, and path of truth. He knows right from wrong because He created all and is willing to show us because He loves us.

Grab your "life jacket" and g o swimming because God is watching over you.

best thing ever!

So I got this call from a friend in D.C. who is there to work for the summer...(yes I am slightly jealous because I really wish I had had more time there.)

He is working in the part of the neighborhood in Anacostia inner city that I call home now haha. Well the little girl who attached herself to me and claimed me asked Jesus in her heart! She wrote me a letter and we are corrisponding. This is such a God moment after having to deal with human lungs and the decision about soccer. I have not made anything official yet, but good news is on the way..hopefully. It will be good for some, unfortunate for others. Thoug, back to focus. God is doing great things in that city and I will keep updates of those precious kids!

deep breathe

So deep breathes right? wrong. After an alergic reaction that almost sent me to the hospital, I now am fighting an unknown cause of lungs that won't function. It is the end of soccer competitvely and the begginging of asma. Though thru this God has great plans and lots of mission work. My inhailer and i will be going many places!

your character determines your view and wether or not the truth comes out

-these next words are from my journal and all this is from my heart.

My vision of God is dependent on the condition of my character. My character determines wether or not truth can be revealed to me.

The things the Lord has been showing, teaching, and revealing to me the past week has all started to tie together.
-Stir up one another by prayer and action. non boastful
-"So I may know Him.." Phil 3:10
It is all for Him, being spriritually, vigorous in the right ways
- "Be still and know that I am God Psalms 46:10
My mistakes haunt me, but God is there
-Abandonment:
of self, of others and the relationships I have allowed to come between God and me, and of things.
-Are you buildiong up the body of Christ the church or just focusing on my relationship with God.
-My character determines my vision of God and if truth can be shown to me.

I must let everything go as I did in D.C.
-my mistakes and the things I held onto
God is in control and His hand is ever present in my life.
My character must resemble Christ, and he has blessed me with many qualities. I just must choose to use them fo rHis glory. He has blessed me with a heart full of passion and compassion and He has given me the paths to the ministry field He has choosen for me.

All of this sounds so horribly selfish but I am just letting this all out. I really dislike this whole writing about myself but this has become my journal. I hope to start writing for others becasue this is not glorifying at all, I just hope someone might be able to take even a little from this and learn something about God.

I left out the other half of my journal because it is a deep personal prayer.
"May God grant your heart's desire and fulfill all our plans."Psalms 20:4

Well Then

Well then haha....I need something in my life to happen so that I can still play soccer. I need my body to work with me not against me and I need God to show me His wonderful mercy and bless me. I hate being selfish and I would love to tell you all about the last few days but I can't I really just can't. My gracious Lord has taught me so much and now I juat can't express it all maybe at a later date.